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Work Sample : Stacey

Task : We are Australians - English in citizenship, community and cultural identity: Narrative Writing

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  6. We are Australians - English in citizenship, community and cultural identity: Narrative Writing - Stacey
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We are Australians - English in citizenship, community and cultural identity: Narrative Writing - Stacey (50-59)

Commentary

This response demonstrates an elementary connection with the sense of identity and incorporated the image as an afterthought. There is limited control of language and narrative form and elementary understanding of audience. This response would benefit from closer editing and a greater focus on close description rather than superficial narrative. This work sample demonstrates characteristics of work typically produced by a student performing within the 50–59 mark range by the end of Stage 6.

Final story

It was like any other day on a Monday Brent and I had planed a trip to go to Queensland and travel around, well I had to go to school and finish off my year 12 HSC exams as well a Brent that day. Brent had he’s licence and need to wait for josh to get he’s after they had finished the exams, which josh did and up getting them. I had just got them texted Brent and let him know that I had got them, he then texted back and said well when we are going to decide on a day to go to Queensland. I had to ask my brother also to find out if he wonted to come with us so I went to meet him after he had finish work and talk about it.

Nathan and I meet up and discussed about the trip, Nathan then said he will come if he can have time of work and he was going to find out tomorrow and let me know. I told Brent what was going on and went over his house to find out what things we should get organised know and decide on a day. Nathan text josh and let him know that he can have time off but needed to know when we were going on the trip. Brent and I had arranged the day last night we were going to leave on the 1 of October till the 1 of November so I had let Nathan know what was happening. We all let our families know and packed what stuff we were taking in our own cars.

Brent and I also Nathan left around 2:00am in the morning on the Sunday and had planed to travel until we got to the boarder of NSW and QLDS before we would stop for the first stop for breakfast. We got on the freeway at Campbelltown and stayed on that until we had to go on th m7 and then we had to get on the m3 to go through Hornsby then to Newcastle, we passed heaps of sugarcanes farms and factories. After the m3 we got on the m2 witch was the road that went to the boarder called Tweed Heads.

We came to tweeds head around 8:15am and on the way pass we passed the big banana at Coffs harbour. We had breakfast at Kempsey around 10:15am for the first stop. We stop to fuel up at Ballina around 12.30pm. We stoped at humble pies to get a snack before getting on the m2 to go through the Golden Gate Bridge and the Brisbane Airport. We passed through South Maryborough and then we were on the road to Rockhampton. After a long day we were finally half-an-hour away from where we were going to stop witch was called Yeppoon where we were staying for the first couple of nights.

So we have finally reached where we are staying/camping. In the morning Nathan had left with out telling anyone, I panicked about where he would be because I am his brother and I tried to call he’s mobile phone and there was no answer. Brent woke up to find that I was panicking and tried to help out. I called to let our parents know what has happened and Brent and I went for a drive to see if we could find the car anywhere by.

Brent and I found the car after 2 days of looking and stressing out. Nathan just wanted to camp by the beach and he explained why and said sorry for not calling anyone or letting anyone know what he was doing.

The trip to QLD was cut sort because of what had happened after spending 6 days up here in QLD. On the last day we spent the day on the beach in the sand we left a picture of Aussie pride 100% to represent that we were there and everything else went alright on the trip back home.

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